YO MOMMA

Classic Yo Momma jokes that were collected back in 1995. I did not come up with the list but too funny to keep secret

So Fat

Yo momma so fat, when her bepper goes off, people thought she was backing up

Yo momma so fat, her nickname is "DAMN"

Yo momma so fat, she eats Wheat Thicks

Yo momma so fat, we're in her right now

Yo momma so fat, people jog around her for exercise

Yo momma so fat, she went to the movies and sat next to everyone

Yo momma so fat, you have to roll over twice to get off her

Yo momma so fat, she was in the ocean and Spain claimed her for the new World

Yo momma so fat, when you get on top of her, your ears pop

Yo momma so fat, when she has sex, she has to give directions

Yo momma so fat, she goes to a restaurant, looks at the menu and says "okay"

Yo momma so fat, she had to go to Sea World to get baptized

Yo momma so fat, she had to iron her pants in the driveway

Yo momma so fat, she puts on lipstick with a paint roller

Yo momma so fat, she got to pull down her pants to get into her pockets

Yo momma so fat, when she bungee jumps, she brings down the bridge too

Yo momma so fat, when she sits around the house, she SITS AROUND THE HOUSE!

Yo momma so fat, when she steps on a scale, it reads 'one at a time please

Yo momma so fat, she fell in love and broke it

Yo momma so fat, when she gets on a scale, it says 'to be continued'

Yo momma so fat, she gets on a scale and it says 'we don't do livestock'

Yo momma so fat, she's got her own area code

Yo momma so fat, she looks like she is smuggling a Volkswagon

Yo momma so fat, God couldn't lit the Earth until she moved

Yo momma so fat, whenever she goes to the beachm the tide comes in

Yo momma so fat, her legs look like spoiled milk - white and chunky

Yo momma so fat, I had to take a train to get on the bitch's good side

Yo momma so fat, she wakes up in sections

Yo momma so fat, when she goes to an amusement park, people try to ride HER!

Yo momma so fat, she rolled over four quarters and it made a dollar

Yo momma so fat, when she lies on the beach, no one else gets sun

Yo momma so fat, when she bungee jumps, she goes straight to hell

Yo momma so fat, when she jumps up in the air, she gets stuck

Yo momma so fat, she's got more Chins than a Hong Kong phone book

Yo momma so fat that her senior picture had to be arial view

Yo momma so fat, she's on both sides of the family

Yo momma so fat, every time she walks in high heels, she strikes oil

Yo momma so fat, when she hauls ass, she has to make two trips

Yo momma so fat, even her clothes have stretch marks

Yo momma so fat, she has a wooden leg with a kickstand

Yo momma so fat, she broke her leg and gravy poured out

Yo momma so fat, she got hit by a parked car

Yo momma so fat, they have to grease the bath tub to get her out

Yo momma so fat, she has a run in her blue jeans

Yo momma so fat, when she backs up, she beeps

Yo momma so fat, she has to buy two airline tickets

Yo momma so fat, when she fell over, she rocked herself asleep trying to get up

Yo momma so fat, she influences the tides

Yo momma so fat, when I tried to drive around her, I ran out of gas

Yo momma so fat, the animals at the zoo feed her

Yo momma so fat, when she dances at a concert, the whole band skips

Yo momma so fat, the Aids quilt wouldn't cover her

Yo momma so fat, she stands in two time zones

Yo momma so fat, you have to grease the door frames and hold a twinkie on the other side to get her through

Yo momma so fat, when the bitch goes to an all you can eat buffet, they have to install speed bumps

Yo momma so fat, she can't tie her own shoes

Yo momma so fat, when she runs, she sets off car alarms

Yo momma so fat, when she wears a Malcomn X t-shirt, helicopters try to land on her back

Yo momma so fat, the only picture you have of her are satellite images

Yo momma so fat, she put on some BVD's and by the time they reached her waist, they spelled out BOULEVARD

Yo momma so fat, when she sits on the beach, Greenpeace shows up and trys to tow her back into the ocean

Yo momma so fat that she would have been in E.T. but when she rode the bicycle across the moon, the bitch caused an eclipse

Yo momma so fat that when she was born, she gave the hospital stretch marks

Yo momma so fat, the National Weather Agency has to assign names to her farts

Yo momma so fat, she was Miss Arizona - class Battleship

Yo momma so fat, to her, light food means under 4 tons

Yo momma so fat, The Himalayas are practicing runs to prepare for her

Yo momma so fat, she went on a date with high heels on and came back with sandals

Yo momma so fat, she stepped on a talking scale and it told her to get the fuck off

Yo momma so fat, her waist size is larger then her IQ

Yo momma so fat, she was zoned for commercial development


So stupid

Yo momma so stupid, it took her two hours to watch 60 Minutes

Yo momma so stupid, it took her half an hour to make Minute Rice

Yo momma so stupid, she threw a brick at the floor and missed

Yo momma so stupid when she saw the NC-17 (under 17 not admitted) sign, she went home and got 16 friends

Yo momma so stupid that she put lipstick on her head just to make up her mind

Yo momma so stupid, she hears it's chilly outside so she gets a bowl

Yo momma so stupid, she has to dig for her IQ

Yo momma so stupid, she got locked in a grocery store and starved

Yo momma so stupid that she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order

Yo momma so stupid, she could trip over a cordless phone

Yo momma so stupid, she sold her car for gasoline money

Yo momma so stupid, she bought a solar powered flashlight

Yo momma so stupid, she thought a quarterback was a refund

Yo momma so stupid, she took a cup to see Juice

Yo momma so stupid, she asked you "What is the number for 911

Yo momma so stupid, she got stabbed in a shoot out

Yo momma so stupid, she called Dan Quayle for a spell check (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dan_Quayle#.22Potatoe.22)

Yo momma so stupid, she stepped on a crack and broke her own back

Yo momma so stupid, she thought she needed a token to get on Soul Train

Yo momma so stupid when asked on an application, "Sex?" she marked "M, F and sometimes weekends too"

Yo momma so stupid, she took the Pepsi challenge and chose Jif

Yo momma so stupid when you stand next to her you hear the ocean

Yo momma so stupid, she thinks Fleetwood Mac is a new hamburger at McDonalds

Yo momma so stupid, she sits on the TV and watched the couch

Yo momma so stupid when she went to take the 6 train, she took the 3 twice

Yo momma so stupid, she jumped out the window and went up

Yo momma so stupid, she took an umbrella to see Purple Rain

Yo momma so stupid, she watched "Three Stooges" and takes notes

Yo momma so stupid, she couldn't read an audio book

Yo momma so stupid, it takes her a month to get rid of the 7 day itch

Yo momma so stupid, it takes her a week to get rid of a 24 hour virus

Yo momma so stupid, it takes her a day to cook a 3 minute egg

Yo momma so stupid, she has to ask for help to use Hamburger Helper

Yo momma so stupid, she went to Disney World and saw a sign that said "Disney World left" so she went home"

Yo momma so stupid, she asked me what kind of jeans i had on and I said Guess so she said Levi's

Yo momma so stupid, she called information to get the number for 411 and when the operator said "Hold one minute", the bitch counted to and hung up


So Ugly

Yo momma so ugly, when she joined an ugly contest, they said "Sorry, no professionals"

Yo momma so ugly, she looks out the window and gets arrested for mooning

Yo momma so ugly, just after she was bornm her mother said "What a treasure" and her father said "Yes, let's go bury it"

Yo momma so ugly, they push her face in the dough to make gorilla cookies

Yo momma so ugly, they filmed "Gorillas in the Mist"in her shower

Yo momma so ugly, instead of putting the bungee cord around her ankle, they put it around her head

Yo momma so ugly, she gets 364 extra days to dress up for Halloween

Yo momma so ugly when she walks into a bank, they turn off the surveillence cameras

Yo momma so ugly, her mom had to be drunk to breat feed her

Yo momma so ugly, her mom had to tie a steak around her neck to get the dogs to play with her

Yo momma so ugly, the government move Halloween to her birthday

Yo momma so ugly that if ugly were bricks, she'd have her own projects

Yo momma so ugly, they pay her to put her clothes on in strip joints

Yo momma so ugly, she made an onion cry

Yo momma so ugly when they took her to the beautician, it took 12 hours for a quote

Yo momma so ugly, she tried to take a bath and the water jumped out

Yo momma so ugly, she looks out the window and gets arrested

Yo momma so ugly even Rice Krispies won't talk to her

Yo momma so ugly, Ted Danson wouldn't date her

Yo momma so ugly for Halloween, she trick or treats on the phone

Yo momma so ugly, she turned Medusa into stone

Yo momma so ugly, people go as her for Halloween

Yo momma so ugly, when she sits on the beach, cats try to bury her

Yo momma so ugly, she scares roaches away

Yo momma so ugly, I heard your dad first met her at the pound

Yo momma so ugly, that your father takes her to work with him so he doesn't have to kiss her goodbye

Yo momma so ugly, your dad's breath smells like shit because he would rather kiss her ass

Yo momma so ugly, she is very successful at her job; being a scarecrow

Yo momma so ugly, she has to sneak up on a glass of water


So Old

Yo momma so old, I told her to act her own age and the bitch died

Yo momma so old, her social security number is 1

Yo momma so old, that when God said let there be light, she hit the switch

Yo momma so old, when she was in school, there was no history class

Yo momma so old, she's in Jesus' yearbook

Yo momma so old, her birth certificate expired

Yo momma so old, she knew Burger King when he was a prince

Yo momma so old, she was a waitress at the Last Supper

Yo momma so old, her birth certificate has Roman numberals

Yo momma so old, she's blind from the Big Bang


So Poor

Yo momma so poor, she can't afford to pay attention

Yo momma so poor, when she goes to KFC, she has to lick other people's fingers

Yo momma so poor, when I ring the doorbell, she says "DING"

Yo momma so poor, she went to McDonald's and put a milkshake on layaway

Yo momma so poor, your family ate cereal with a fork to save milk.

Yo momma so poor, her face is on the front of a foodstamp

Yo momma so poor, she waves around a popsicle stick and calls it air conditioning

Yo momma so poor, burglars break in her house and leave money


So Dark

Yo momma so dark, she went to night school and was marked absent

Yo momma so dark that she can leave fingerprints on charcoal

Yo momma so dark, she has to wear white gloves when she eats Tootsie Rolls to keep from eating her fingers

Yo momma so dark, when people refer to Darkness coming in the future, they refer to her next visit

Yo momma so dark, they made a movie of her heart transplant called "From the Darkest Heart of Africa


So Short

Yo momma so short, you can see her feet on her drivers lisence

Yo momma so short, she has to use a ladder to pick up a dime

Yo momma so short, she can play handball on the curb

Yo momma so short, she does backflips under the bed

Yo momma so short, she models for trophies

Yo momma so short, she pole vaults with a toothpick

Yo momma so short, she has to look up to look down


So Nasty

Yo momma so nasty, when she goes to the hair salon, she told the stylist to cut her hair and she opened up her shirt

Yo momma so nasty, she gotta put ice down her drawers to keep the crabs fresh

Yo momma so nasty, she made Speed Stick slow down

Yo momma so nasty, she made Right Guard turn left

Yo momma so nasty, the fishery be paying her to leave

Yo momma so nasty, she has to creep up on bathwater

Yo momma so nasty, she made Sure confused

Yo momma so nasty that her shit is glad to escape

Yo momma so nasty, Ozzy Osbourne refused to bit her head off

Yo momma so nasty, I called her for phone sex and she gave me an ear infection

Yo momma so nasty, she went swimming and now we have the Dead Sea

Yo momma so nasty, she joined the Four Horsemen: War, Death, Famine, Disease and Yo Momma!


Is Like

Yo momma is like potato chips - Fri-to Lay

Yo momma is like a library - open to the public

Yo momma is like a screen door, after a couple of bangs, she tends to loosen up

Yo momma is like the pillsbury doughboy - everyone gets a poke

Yo momma is like a doorknob - everyone gets a turn

Yo momma is like a T.V. set, even a three year old can turn her on

Yo momma is like a bus, fifty cents and she's ready to ride

Yo momma is like a golf course, everyone gets a hole in one

Yo momma is like the railway system, she gets laid all over the country

Yo momma is like a ketchup bottle, everyone gets a squeeze out of her

Yo momma is like a shotgun, one cock and she blows

Yo momma is like a hardware store, four cents a screw

Yo momma is like Domino's Pizza, something for nothing

Yo momma is like a refridgerator, everyone likes to put their meat in her

Yo momma is like cake mix, 15 servings per package

Yo momma is like a bowling bowl, she's picked up, fingered and then thrown in the gutter

Yo momma is like a bus, guys climb on and off her all day long

Yo momma is like a Toyota, "Oh what a feelin"

Yo momma is like a bubble gum machine, five cents a blow

Yo momma is like chinese food, sweet, sour and cheap

Yo momma is like a vaccuum cleaner, a real good suck

Yo momma is like a potato chip seller on 42nd street, "LAYS! LAYS!"


So Hairy

Yo momma so hairy, she looks like she got Buckwheat in a headlock

Yo momma so hairy, Bigfoot is taking her picture

Yo momma so hairy, she looks like a Chia Pet with an afro

Yo momma so hairy, she shaves with a weedwhacker


So Slutty

Yo momma so slutty, she could suck-start a Harley

Yo momma so slutty, when she got a new mini skirt, everyone commented on her nice belt

Yo momma so slutty, that I could've been your daddy, but the guy in line behind me had correct change

Yo momma so slutty, that when she heard Santa Claus say HO HO HO, she thought she was getting it three times

Yo momma so slutty, she is blind and seeing another man

Yo momma so slutty, John Holmes just looked at her and got AIDS

Yo momma so slutty, she is known as Homecoming Disease

Yo momma so slutty, she has Trojan written on her gumline


So Greasy

Yo momma so greasy, she used bacon as a band-aid

Yo momma so greasy, she sweats Crisco


Teeth so Yellow

Yo momma teeth so yellow, traffic slows down when she smiles

Yo momma teeth so yellow, she spits butter

yo momma teeth so yellow, I can't believe its not butter


So Lazy

Yo momma so lazy, she thinks two-income family is where yo daddy has two jobs


So Skinny

Yo momma so skinny, she has to wear a belt with spandex

Yo momma so skinny, she turned sideways and disappeared


So Bald

Yo momma so bald, you can see what's on her mind

Yo momma so bald, that she took a shower and got brain-washed

So Tall


Yo momma so tall, she did a back-flip and kicked Jesus in the mouth


So Flat

Yo momma so flat, she's jealous of a wall


Glasses So Thick

Yo momma's glasses are so thick, that when she looks on a map, she can see people wave

Yo momma's glasses are so thick, she can see into the future


HAS

Yo momma has one leg and a bicycle

Yo momma has one hand and the clapper

Yo momma has a wooden afro with an "X" carved in the back

Yo momma has green hair and thinks she's a tree

Yo momma has one ear and has to take off her hat to hear what you're saying

Yo momma has an ass so big, she has to shit in a dumpster


House So Small

Yo momma house so small, she has to go outside to eat a large pizza

Yo momma house so small, you have to go outside to change your mind


House So Dirty

Yo momma house so dirty, she has to wipe her feet before she goes outside


Head So Small

Yo momma head so small, she uses a tea-bag as a pillow

Yo momma head so small that she hot her ear pierced and died


Misc

Yo momma breath so bad when she yawns, her teeth duck

Yo momma lips so big, Chap Stick had to ivent a spray

Yo momma teeth are so rotten, when she smiles, they look like dice

Yo momma mouth so big, she speaks in surround sound

Yo momma hair so nappy, she has to take Tylenol just to comb it

Yo momma so clumsy, she got tangled up in a cordless phone

Yo momma so wrinkled, she has to screw her hat on

Yo momma twice the man you are

Yo momma cross-eyed and watches TV in stereo

Yo momma is missing a finger and can't count past 9

Yo momma arms are so short, she had to tilt her head to scratch her ear

Yo momma middle name is Rambo

Yo momma is a wheelchair and says "You ain't gonna push me round no more"

Yo momma grouchy, the McDonald's she works in doesn't even serve Happy Meals

Yo momma is in a wheelchair screaming "I AIN'T STANDING FOR THIS SHIT"

Yo momma threw a frizbee three weeks ago that hasn't landed yet

Yo momma referees bar fights without a shirt on

If my dog had a face as ugly as your momma's, I'd shave his ass and make him walk backwards

It took yo momma 10 tries to get her drivers license, she couldn't get used to the front seat

Yo daddy is like cement, it takes him two days to get hard


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