You try getting into the wrong vehicle.
You can focus better with one eye closed.
Sincerely believe alcohol to be the elusive 5th food group.
You lose arguments with inanimate objects.
You have to hold onto the lawn to keep from falling off the earth.
Job interfering with your drinking.
Your doctor finds traces of blood in your alcohol stream.
Career won't progress beyond Senator from Massachusetts.
24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case - coincidence?? - I think not!
The parking lot seems to have moved while you were in the bar.
You fall off the floor...
Your twin sons are named Barley and Hops.
Hey, 5 beers has just as many calories as a burger, forget dinner!
Mosquitoes catch a buzz after attacking you
At AA meetings you begin: "Hi, my name is... uh..."
Your idea of cutting back is less salt.
The whole bar says 'Hi' when you come in...
You think the Four Basic Food Groups are Caffeine, Nicotine, Alcohol, and [Women or Men].
Roseanne Barr looks good.
Don't recognize wife / husband unless seen through bottom of glass.
That pink elephant followed me home again.
Senators Kennedy and Packwood shake their heads when they walk past you.
You wake up screaming "TORO TORO TORO!" in the middle of the night.